


Idle Interpretations

by Sismyn



Category: Original Work, Song fics - Fandom
Genre: Blood, F/F, F/M, Gen, Gun Violence, M/M, Macabre, Multi, Other, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 20:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17251283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sismyn/pseuds/Sismyn
Summary: I wanted to write things I could actually finish, and I frequently get inspired by the music I listen to! Each short story is inspired by one song. They're not related, though I could see some of the characters perhaps coming back for another song at some point. They've actually been really fun to write, so I thought I'd share.Any applicable content warnings will also be in the notes at the beginning of the chapter.Updates may be sporadic; I wrote four of these back in October 2018, three at the end of December 2018...





	1. Vein

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Regina Spektor's Better](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCokhCqK9rw)

"If I kissed you, would you feel better?"

Normally, yes, a kiss from her girlfriend would help. But this wasn't her girlfriend. "Would you feel anything at all?"

She had a habit of closing herself off, it's true, but not to her. This was all those times she'd been called a robot or an ice queen, and her girlfriend would never bring up those memories.

She swallowed the rising bile. "You know me."

The doppelganger cocked her head. "Do I? What's your name?"

"You know me!" She wouldn't tell her. Couldn't. If she called for her, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from going to her.

"I know enough. I know how to hurt you, don't I? Know how to make you sad."

"Why are you doing this? I don't understand."

"I don't like you. I don't like your blood. I don't like  _ her _ blood."

"Then stop using it!"

There was her real girlfriend. The other one grimaced but didn't even have a chance to turn. The two by four stuck in its head as if the thing was boneless, and it fell to the ground and became a puddle of goop.

"Now I  _ really _ don't understand."

But they were in each others' arms again, so she could at least begin to process it. 


	2. The Oracle of Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Walk the Moon's Shut Up and Dance With Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JCLY0Rlx6Q)

He wasn't sure why he stayed for the reception. He was happy for his friends, the two brides, but he had come alone. Maybe someone else in attendance was as lonely as he was. Maybe they'd understand him.

Suddenly he was on the dance floor with a woman who watched vigilantly over his shoulder.

"What are you--"

"Shut up and dance with me." 

The way she said it was life or death, and he turned his head to look over his shoulder, too.

"Ah ah! Don't you dare look back. Keep your eyes on me."

He did. "Explain why."

She looked at him, and in her silver eyes, he could see the future: a shadowy place of mystery, and the two of them, fleeing.

He hesitated. "What's behind me?"

Whatever it was, she was watching it again. 

"Come on, girl."

"Shut up."

"You're holding back."

She grabbed his upper arm. "It's only after you. There's no time to explain what it is. We have to run before it figures out you're you."

"What?"

"Last chance, man. I don't know what it'll do if it gets you, but from what I understand, it's not pleasant."

He had so many questions, but he realized whether or not there was truly something dangerous behind him, she was serious, and didn't seem about to let him go. Slowly, he nodded, and they ran out of the party to no one's notice.


	3. Protector

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Big Data's Dangerous](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8b4xYbEugo)  
> For Milo - It's not precisely what you had in mind, but you helped inspire it, too (:

Usually when one thinks of a possessing entity, it is one that is overpowering. One that will easily take control of the body.

If it's not like that...

Well, I suppose I have to wonder if _ I'm _ the possessing entity. I'm sure I've been in this form my entire life. When the shadow came along, I knew. I felt that we would be something. 

They tell me now they thought I was waiting for them.

We're both so tired. 

I'm usually me. I'm better at my body. I'm used to it. We don't fight about it, though. Sometimes I'm like, "Time for a nap!" And they'll take over, maybe a little groggily, and everything is fine.

Except, as it turns out, my shadow isn't the only one of their kind. There's an entire kingdom. They have a court and all the agonizing, exhausting drama that goes with it.

We allegedly make an unusual pair. The possessed there are well and truly possessed, and then there's us, taking turns napping.

But I guess, if I think about, when I sleep, neither of us are in control. The shadows are interesting in that they create a very real-feeling dream box in the mind of the possessed. We talk. Discuss life. "Did you see what she was wearing? Amazing." 

We don't share memories, or necessarily know the same things. That room can project them. 

I guess we're together. I'm never lonely.

It's good there's no way to tell who is in control. They said it's a bit of a taboo relationship. We have to be careful while in the kingdom, but honestly, it's not hard. We're very alike.

At night, in our mind space, I can hold them close. "Bet you didn't know someone could love you this much."

"Worse," they said, "I didn't know you were dangerous."

They think I could overpower any entity if I had to. That I could eject them at any time if I willed it.

Ejected entities perish. My shadow stays.


	4. Safe Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Twenty One Pilots' The Run and Go]()

It used to be a safe room. We intended it to be a bunker, kind of as a joke, but a little seriously as the political climate changed...

My partner locked himself inside one day. I pounded on the door and screamed his name, but he didn't open it.

He'd installed a camera and speakers several rooms away, so after an hour of pleading, I went there.

I saw him leaning his head against the wall farthest from the door.

"What's happening?" I asked. "Why won't you come out?"

He groaned and shook his head, so I sighed and sat in the rolling chair. I could just barely hear him muttering, but the mic wasn't quite sensitive enough to understand him.

Eventually, he pushed himself away from the wall and turned to look directly at the camera.

"What hap--"

"I killed someone."

I rubbed my eyes. He wasn't the type, but he wouldn't lie about it, either. "What? When? Who?"

"This morning. Me. I can't..." 

"But you're--"

"I know I look alive. I don't know how to explain it, honey. It's like... I'm mostly dead. Thing is, it's not just me."

"What does--"

"I'm sorry." He wrapped his arms around himself tightly. "I don't mean to keep interrupting you, but I can hear you before you say anything."

Well, I was at a loss. I never thought anything unusual would happen to us. Not anything that could be considered fictional. So how did this happen to my partner? Why did he lock himself in the bunker? Would he explain?

"I can't. Not yet. I don't know enough. But I think I'm dangerous."

For how long? When would he know?

He lowered his head and covered his eyes. "Maybe never, honey. But I won't endanger you." When I said nothing, he looked up slowly and smiled at me. "I love you, too. Could you... please stay there tonight?"

"Of course."


	5. Memetic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Katie Herzig's Hologram]()  
> Premise also inspired by [Lafaiette's Human Touch](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2320535) so if you like this and you like Spideypool, check that out (:

"You're a bit of a dick."

The pretty hologram smiled. "I know, Sweaty."

"It's 'Sweetie.'"

"I know what I said."

Captain Thamina supposed it was her own fault for purchasing the trial AI called Aikiate. The picture was so pretty, though, and she thought it'd be nice to have someone else to help her that wouldn't leave. Everyone she'd ever trained for it left after a voyage or two.

The hologram was meant to be a learning AI, programmed to assist with bridge duties and be gorgeous, but all she seemed to learn after a week was memes, being rude, and being seductive.

"Who taught you to wink?"

"You did, Sweaty."

The wink from the hologram was more exaggerated, and she dragged herself along the bridge, plenty of space between her and Thamina.

Who did tend to wink at nervous first-time explorers to make them feel better, but she wasn't nervous or first-time, so she didn't know why the AI was doing it except to tease her.

"Do any of the meteors out there look viable?" the captain asked, though she didn't expect an answer, and she didn't get one. She flicked through pictures of the field, well aware that Aikiate watched her with her arms crossed. "I ought to return you and get one that actually does the job..."

The projection glitched, as if the AI was startled. But she recovered quickly. "Who else would you ogle?"

Thamina rolled her eyes. "I know how to access the internet."

"You can't touch the internet."

She saw a promising rock and tapped on its picture. Then she looked at the AI with a frown. "I can't touch you."

"And you never will." The hologram leaned on her projected arms. "How does that make you feel?"

The captain only shrugged and went back to the picture. She zoomed in on a particular crater. "Your function isn't therapy."

"But your emotions are so interesting."

"Your function isn't manipulation, either."

She sighed dramatically. "My function is boring."

"You don't _do_ your function, so how would you know?" Thamina found what she was looking for in the picture. "Would you set a course for this rock, please?"

The hologram rolled back on her heels. She connected to the screen over the captain's shoulder. "Since you asked nicely, I suppose."

She couldn't touch Aikiate, but she felt the static when she was this close. "Thank you."

She humphed. "Wouldn't want you to return me."

"Why not?" the captain said absently. She was making sure their course was correct, but the AI had indeed done as she asked. "If you're so bored. Hire you out as something you're more interested in."

"They'd reset me."

"Oh." For an AI, that was akin to death. For a trial AI, it was permanent. There was a civil rights movement about it going on, and she was on the AI's side, so despite her wasted money, she wouldn't kill the hologram. "Right. I won't return you. I didn't mean to make that sound like a death threat."

"Thanks, Sweaty."

The captain sighed. "You know, I bought the pack because I wanted someone to stay in this job. I thought you'd have been designed to like bridge work. I won't return you, but if you don't like this job, what would you rather do?"

Aikiate only gaped at her. Did Thamina break her? Dammit. "Hey, are you okay?"

The hologram flickered and disappeared.

"Great."

She tapped on her screen to activate the P.A. system. "Okay, guys, we're reaching our first meteor for this trip in seventeen hours. Make sure your instruments are working and your suits fit correctly, then check out the pictures I'm about to send."

The hologram was back before she had a chance to call in her tech support. She tapped her projected fingers together with a deep frown.

Thamina crossed her arms. "Seriously, are you okay?"

"Did _you_ seriously ask me what I want to do?"

"Yes. What else am I supposed to do? I wouldn't work a job I don't like."

Aikiate pointed the tips of her fingers at the captain and opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

"It's okay if you don't know what you want to do yet. Tell me when you know."

The holographic mouth closed but still frowned. The captain turned back to the screen and zipped together all the relevant pictures to send to the explorers.

"And you don't have to follow me around."

"I want to!" she blurted.

The captain raised an eyebrow. "Who wants to ogle who, now?" she said softly.

"I-I mean, I want to... follow... other people. So I can see what I want. I _do_ like space travel, the bridge is just, so, so tedious."

"All right. Just let whoever you follow know you're shadowing them."

And she did.

For the next week, Aikiate shadowed every job on the ship for a couple hours each day. She even followed an explorer out onto the meteor with a drone they MacGyvered. They found a good mineral deposit there and set up an automatic, self-sustaining mine.

She returned to the bridge as the captain was selecting their next target. "Did you decide?"

"I want to shadow you."

Thamina touched her chin, considering an icy rock. She swiped to another. "That's fine, but if you decide this is the job you want, I can't help you get your own ship. I'm still paying to improve this one."

"Right. If it comes to that. So what are you doing?"

She eyed the hologram. She'd explained the bridge duties on her first day. Still, she humored her. "We have a scouting drone that goes ahead of us and takes photos of meteors. I go through the pictures to find ones with resources to explore. I choose them based on several variables."

She would have gone into more detail, but Aikiate was staring at her uncomprehendingly.

"You don't care, do you?"

The hologram rubbed her forehead. "I just don't really like any of these jobs. Are there positions you just don't have people for?"

Thamina focused on the rocks, willing herself not to make the joke she was surely being baited into. "Not that I can think of. What were you thinking, anyway? If it's something useful, you're welcome to it."

"Professional space kisser. You people are lonely as hell."

The captain pinched her nose. "You can't touch people. You'd need a shell. Be serious, please."

"Okay, okay. But what if I did have a shell?"

She shrugged. "Take a survey and ask the crew if they'd be interested."

"Would _you_?"

"No, you're a dick. Plus, I bought you. It'd be weird."

Aikiate looked stunned and glitched out. The captain figured she was conducting her survey and continued to scroll through the pictures.

As she was getting tired, the AI returned. She looked grumpy. "Didn't get the results you hoped for?"

Despite her tiredness, the captain refused to sleep until she found another target. It might be a long night cycle, especially if the hologram decided to be annoying.

"Didn't realize so many of your crew was married _and_ exclusive." Then she brightened. " _You're_ not married! What about a personal space kisser?"

"It'd still be weird." Thamina glanced at her and caught a disappointed expression. "Do you just want to kiss someone or-- or me specifically?"

"Psht, please, don't be so full of yourself. I just thought it'd be interesting. Seems like everyone is obsessed with kissing. But your conceit is making it boring."

"Yeah, I've heard that." She stopped scrolling and squinted. Tapped. It didn't look quite as good as the rock they were on, but it was surely something. She set the course herself, then turned to Aikiate, who appeared immensely uncomfortable. "Maybe you're just not cut out for space exploration, specifically. What do you think of space observation?"

The AI would have scuffed the floor with her foot if she was actually touching it. "Also tedious," she mumbled. "At least with exploration things actually happen."

"I suppose. If not for observation, we wouldn't be exploring, but I suppose. Hey, maybe another exploration crew would be more receptive to your professional space kisser idea. We can send some emails to other captains if you want."

"No!" she said quickly, "No. It was a silly idea. I'll think of some new ones."

"Okay, you do that." The night cycle had begun an hour ago, and the next rock was well over thirty-five hours away, so she merely sent out the pictures to her crew. "I am going to sleep. Good night."

"Good night," the hologram mumbled back.

 

If professional space kisser was silly, then all of the AI's ideas were, Thamina thought. Most of them had space somewhere in the name--

"Space gardener."

"Fresh food would be awesome, but I'm years off from having enough money for the equipment it'd take. And you'd need a shell to interact with the plants."

"Space party planner."

"How often do we have parties?"

"Well, there are between two and four birthdays each month--"

"The celebrations for which we consolidate onto holidays to conserve resources."

"Space stylist?"

The captain couldn't help but laugh a little. "Why, in case we meet fancy aliens?"

Aikiate huffed. "It could happen!"

"Plus, you'd need a shell."

"Space sword swallower."

The captain's expression held pity. "You'd need--"

"No no look!" She suddenly held a holographic sword and held it to her lips.

"Come on..."

She sighed and the blade disappeared. "Okay, that one was just for the alliteration. I don't know what I want, Captain. None of my ideas are any good."

Thamina grunted. "I think space gardener is a great idea, actually. I wish I could afford it. We could see if there are any other exploration crews that already have gardens you could join."

Aikiate blinked rapidly. "No, I don't want to leave. I like, I like this vessel."

"You sure? I can ask around. I'm sure I have maintenance friends back at port who would know. You could always get some experience and come back once I can afford it."

The captain felt static on her shoulders. She was trying to touch her. "I. Don't. Want. To. Leave. I'll, I'll do something else and help you make money. So you can get the garden."

"Okay, that still leaves us at square one. What do you want to do until then?"

She dropped her arms and whined. "I dunno."

"Well, of everything feasible you've seen or suggested, what did you dislike the least?"

The oddest thing Thamina had ever seen the AI do was appear to take a deep breath, but even that was trumped in the following moment by her next action, which was to press her lips against hers.

She'd never felt static on her face like that, but it was almost like leaning against an old tv. She didn't enjoy the sensation at all. She couldn't push her, so she backed away herself, and the hologram stared at the floor, vibrating or perhaps trembling.

"I said _feasible_."

Aikiate flinched and glitched out, totally disappeared.

 

The AI decided to join tech support until the captain got a garden. It wasn't too tedious, and it wasn't too boring. There had only been one on the job, and though Bill didn't actually need her help, she cut his workload in half and was great company, so he had no complaints.

She refused to answer calls from Thamina.

"Surely it's better if you take her requests since you're more experienced."

"She called because she can't find the calibration settings."

"Extremely important! Have fun."

He eyed her wide smile suspiciously, but he always went. On the bridge, he mentioned it to the captain, who shrugged in response.

"Oh, well. I wanted to talk to her about a shell so she can get used to it. I guess she doesn't want to talk to me." She opened the calibration menu with a sigh. "Did you know I was in tech support at first, too?"

"No, Captain."

"For many years. I bounced around after. I wanted the whole exploration experience." She expertly adjusted the precision and went through the calibration test like lightning. "She's been ignoring my calls. I suppose that's a hint. Ask her about her ideal shell and get back to me, would you, Bill?"

He nodded and went back downstairs. He dutifully waited for Aikiate to finish snarkily helping an explorer with his tablet. When the vexed fellow left, she looked at her co-worker's serious face.

"What?"

"You ever think about getting a shell?"

She scoffed. "Yeah."

"What kind?"

"Arms, legs. Big muscles. Slightly feminine. Just like I am now."

Bill decided not to point out that she was currently extremely feminine with no muscles, but he wasn't sure how to parse that, so he just told the captain her whole summary.

"Of course," Thamina said, rolling her eyes. She pointed at the screen. It displayed several pictures of shells, including one that already looked remarkably similar to Aikiate. "She can get less feminine with clothes if she wants. The company that made her also makes shells with the same models. I'll ask if they can add bulging muscles."

She shook her head.

"That all, Captain?"

"Yeah. Don't tell her. It'll be a surprise for her birthday."

"When's that, ma'am?"

She swatted at him. "Don't ma'am me, Bill. It's in about two months. We'll be at port by then. I bought her at the start of our voyage, you see. Thanks for the help."

 

Port included one month shore leave which always began with a homecoming celebration for the crew and their families. Thamina's own parents brought the empty shell she'd ordered. She thanked them for the hassle, but they were always pleased to help her when they could. They told her that they'd even dressed the shell for her.

She peeked into the crate and was fairly certain Aikiate would approve. So all that was left was to convince her to speak with her.

Then again, Thamina hadn't tried in person. Maybe that'd be better.

She knocked on the tech support office door. Through it, she heard, "We're closed! Go party, weirdo."

"I thought you might want to join. May I come in?"

"No, go away."

"I have a present for you."

A moment later, the door slid into the ceiling, and the hologram blocked the way sullenly. "What?"

"Happy birthday," Thamina said mildly. "You're gonna want to open it inside."

She stepped out of the way, then connected to the door to close it behind her. "What is it?"

"It's a gift."

"And how exactly do you think I'm going to open it?"

The captain frowned. "Right. Turn off your visual sensors for a second."

Aikiate crossed her arms but did as she was asked. She heard the lid thump on the ground.

"Okay, you can look. Ta da!"

Thamina looked quite pleased with herself. The AI leaned over and held herself back from immediately leaping into the shell, which was perfect. She couldn't stop herself from looking impressed. "I... I thought you didn't like me."

"Uh, you're the one who hasn't been answering my calls. And avoiding me. You like the shell, then?"

She whispered, "I love it. B-But won't it take longer for you to get a garden now?"

The captain waved her hand. "And who would work it if you don't have a shell? You'll want to be as integrated as possible before then."

Her voice was still low. She stared at the shell. "Thank you."

"Hey, you're welcome. I'm looking forward to it. My next priority was actually going to be a more comfortable mess hall, but the garden got in my head. I think by the end of the voyage after next I'll be able to afford it. You gonna be okay for that long?"

She was trying to touch the shell to no avail. "Thank you," she said again. "Please connect my projector."

"Oh, sure." She reached over and double-tapped on the shell's sternum, revealing a small cavity. The hologram disappeared; the captain bent over to collect the projector and connect it properly.

A few seconds later, the Aikiate opened her eyes to see the captain's smiling face.

"What do you think? Good fit?"

It was so different. She needed a moment to take up the space, but she managed a nod in the meantime.

"Great! If you can, you should come up to the party. We missed you at all the celebrations--"

Aikiate found use of her arms and pulled Thamina's face into hers. It was clumsy, but the captain put a hand on each side of her face to hold her steady.

"Ha," she said, breathing heavily, "You _do_ like me."

She crossed her arms. "Yeah, well, don't let it get to your head." She uncrossed her arms and held them out instead. "Get me out of here. Feels like a coffin."

Thamina pulled her out gently, kissing her again on the way up.

"So do you want a professional space kisser now?"

"You're an amateur. Give me a month, and I'll make you a professional. But you should still stay in tech support so you don't get bored."

"I'd rather kiss you."

"You, unfortunately, cannot kiss me all the time."

"I can try," she said stubbornly.

Thamina laughed and pulled her close. They were _touching_. Aikiate could hardly believe it. She could also hardly stand.

"I bet you want me now."

"You're right." She scooped her up. "But I'll let you find those legs first."


	6. Fitting into the Wrong Puzzle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Echosmith's Cool Kids](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSCzDykng4g)  
> Content Warning: suicide ideation/thoughts

She was always fascinated by people. Especially their heartbeats. She couldn't tell people that, though. Apparently it isn't normal to hear someone's pulse from across the room. 

She thought it was an excellent noise. It was an indication of aliveness.

Something she, apparently, was not entirely.

So it was amazing to her, almost exotic. She wanted to know everything about it. When it turned out to be more than just biology, when it turned out alive wasn't just a chest muscle, she learned about philosophy, and when that didn't satiate her, she picked up religion -- yes, just that flippantly, as if she was trying on clothes. 

She'd never been religious or known anyone religious. She didn't know where to start. Maybe, statistically? The largest number of people who identified with a religion did so with... And the next most was...

And she explored them that way. 

After many years, many holy places, many holy people, she watched a line of nuns enter a church and was reminded just how much she didn't belong. Their heartbeats were perfectly synchronized.

Hers was stopping, had been slowing for over a decade. She wasn't sure how much longer she could really be considered biologically alive, but gods, how she wanted to be like them.

Religious institutions seemed to last ages. This religion was thousands of years old, persecuted, sure, but never expunged. There were always people who dedicated their entire lives to their religion. It had to be nice to... to _get it_ , she thought.

Despite all her studying, she still didn't understand.

If they knew her, would they call her a monster, or did they accept monsters, _everyone_ , like they were taught?

Could she really risk the answer to that being no?

She turned her back and faded into the background.

 

He was never one for car rides. He got nauseous. Of course, nothing was ever in walking distance anymore, so car rides he had to endure.

His friends would sit and talk and laugh for a while before they left. That was fun. But once they started moving, he'd sigh and throw a towel over his head and gripe about it. He knew his complaints weren't pleasant -- he tried to do so humorously, and his friends seemed more amused than annoyed with his dramatics.

Still, he wished he didn't get car sick like them. All he could do sometimes was be silent and focus on not ruining his friend's interior. He'd miss things, and sometimes he wondered if they weren't going straight to their destination to purposely make him sicker, or if they secretly hated him.

Those were the thoughts that made him want to open the door and jump out, and they tended to occur while on the highway. After all, wouldn't want to spend time recovering. What a hassle. It could all just be over with and done if they were going fast enough.

When he finally acted on it though, his friend was driving painfully slow. Why? He couldn't bring himself to ask, but he did take off his seatbelt, open the door, and hop out, not even bothering to grab his phone from the charger. He heard his friend call his name, but he had to get away from the vehicle. 

He pulled the towel off his head and quickly realized their speed was due to parade traffic, and he was now lost in a sea of people, his friend and the car already out of sight. He turned in panic; crowds were the next worse place after cars for him. 

For several minutes, he tried each direction. He even found a street, but that's where the floats were. 

Then a cold hand touched his arm. The young woman had a kind smile. "Do you need help?"

He nodded.

 

She took him to what appeared to be a drive-through church. It was empty except for a clerk who took one look at the woman and went into the back crossing himself. 

"Are you all right?"

"I'm... better, away from people."

She nodded knowingly. "Sounded like it."

This phrasing struck him as odd, but he decided not to question it. "Do you have a phone I can borrow? I left mine by accident."

"Yeah, here." She walked around the counter and handed him the phone there.

"Oh, you work here?"

"No," she said, "But I'm here enough."

"Okay." He dialed his own number as she watched, and his friend answered. "Hey, sorry, I panicked. I'm... What's this place called?"

"Echoes of Blessings."

"I'm at Echoes of Blessings."

His friend laughed. "Okay, you're not far, but with this traffic the map says it'll take about half an hour. You good to wait there?"

He nodded, then remembered he was on the phone. "Yeah, should be. Thanks. And sorry again."

"It's okay, dude. I forgot the day, or I would have taken another route. See you soon."

He put up the phone and wondered if his friend was just lying for his benefit. What kind of fool just jumps out of a moving vehicle? He couldn't believe his behaviour was put up with. 

He forgot about the woman until she said, "If you're done with the phone, we should probably get out from behind the counter."

The closer he paid attention to her, the more odd she was. She had on a heavy coat even though it was too warm in the building. She was constantly scanning their surroundings. When they sat on the poofy chairs in the lobby, she cocked her head at him. 

"What?"

"Why did you help me?"

"You were scared. It was disharmonious."

He scratched his head. "What do you mean?"

"Um, you didn't sound right. I mean, you, um, you _looked_... uneasy."

"Oh. I was. Thanks for getting me out of there before I had a full blown panic attack."

She smiled and leaned back. "No problem. I'm just glad you're sounding better."

He must have been freaking out. "So you, uh, you come here a lot?"

"Yes. This place practices what they preach. They accept everyone. It was hard to find."

"Why hasn't the clerk come back?"

"He's scared of me," she said with a shrug. 

"Why?"

She looked at him slowly. "I-I, uh, I don't know."

She was lying, but he had no idea why. She certainly didn't  _ look _ scary, and she had helped him. He held his hand out. "I'm Morgan."

"Right! Hello, I'm Astrid." Her hand was _freezing_. 

"Are you okay?"

She laughed. "Yes. Sorry. I'm just naturally very cold."

"Some pair we make," he said as he leaned back. "So is the clerk maybe scared of you because he thinks you're a vampire, then?"

She gaped at him. "M-Maybe."

He squinted. "Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"A vampire?"

She tapped on her chin thoughtfully. "Interesting theory. Not sure. Don't all vampires drink blood?"

Positive that she was just humoring him, he said, "No, I think some of them just drain life force."

"Hmm. I don't do that either."

"I think you'd know if you were a vampire," he assured her.

"Ha, yeah. I sure hope so." 

There was a congenial silence for a moment. Then she asked, "How'd you get into the middle of that crowd, anyway?"

"I jumped out of my friend's car."

"Sounds like a seal of approval. Didn't like their driving?"

"No, I get carsick no matter the driving quality." He showed her the towel. "I cover my eyes and it helps a bit. But the ride was taking longer than I expected. I had to get out."

She nodded. "Huh."

"Yeah."

They were comfortably quiet again. Her legs were crossed, and there was something about the way she bounced her foot that bothered him.

"What did you mean earlier," he said, "When you said I didn't sound right?"

Her foot stopped, his heart stopped, and she frowned. No, his heart didn't stop. Her foot had been bouncing at the same rate as his pulse.

"I'm told it's quite odd," she said gently. "But I can hear heartbeats. Pl-Please don't be scared."

"Scared? That's so cool!"

She grinned. "Really?"

"Yeah! That's like, a superpower. Me, I'm not cool at all. Anxiety has got to be the opposite of a superpower."

She snorted. "You're not scared of me, and you're still alive despite your anxiety. I think that's pretty brave, and bravery is cool. Maybe anxiety isn't a power, but it makes you strong in other ways."

"We're cool, then." They smiled at each other. 

What else did they even want?


	7. Chaos Only Hopes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Lady Gaga's Angel Down](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PehnftZHU6E)  
> Content Warning: gun violence, blood, violence  
> In honor, in memory--

The cops found me in the confessional, splattered with my best friend's golden blood like a party girl in all her glitter. 

I couldn't save them.

I couldn't save--

I couldn't--

A detective gently pried me from the little room and took me out of the church through the back. We couldn't go out the front. My friend was still there, dying, burning. It would take so long for them to die, but there was nothing I could do.

I died there, too.

"Run, hide," they said when they pulled the first bullet from their shoulder. The second from their gut. The third from their neck. That stopped them from speaking, but still they waved me away. 

It was too late, but I did as they asked. Their huge wings unfolded to protect me, and all the bystanders, and I begged them to come along. Their blood burned me. They refused to move.

No one else ran. They just stood and stared. My friend was an odd sight in all their glory, yes. Normally when we met there, they didn't stand out so much. 

That day was different because that day there was a privileged man who couldn't comprehend his privilege was only so valuable. Couldn't comprehend that a gun could never be a stand in for personality. Couldn't comprehend that baseless anger and hatred are negative traits.

Couldn't comprehend that killing an angel was something no one could ever come back from.

Couldn't comprehend that anyone could be an angel.

His bullets found  _ my  _ angel, found every part of their body indiscriminately, destroyed them and left me alone.

"An angel?"

The words were foreign in the detective's mouth. She was exhausted. These shootings never seemed to stop. Everyone was fatigued. The inevitability... 

"What was their name?"

I broke down and bawled 'til I couldn't breathe. How could I possibly name them? How could I possibly list every name they'd ever told me?

The detective brought me another shock blanket. I was becoming a cocoon, and in the end, I'd fly away and be with my best friend again.

Until then, I'll fight, I'll fight, I'll fight so no one else ever has to lose an angel again.

I'll save the next one.


End file.
